Marriage - A Conversation - By Kabilan and me

Miraa heard a knock on the door.

“It’s me, Kabi”

She grimaced, looking up from the book she was reading.

“Yeah, come in” she said, with a hint of reluctance in her voice.

“Hey, Miraa!” he said, smilingly, as he sat on the sofa, facing her.

She didn’t smile back.

“ Kabi, I know why you are here. I can’t listen to advices anymore, really! I just don’t want to get married; as simple as that!”

Kabi leaned forward. “But why?” he asked calmly.

Miraa placed her forefinger as a bookmark and leveled her gaze with his.

“Look, I’ve just set my career, I’ve just begun to feel independent. I have really big dreams. If I get married, my freedom would be lost forever…I’ll have to sacrifice my dreams as well!”

“What if your husband-“

“Future husband!” she corrected.

“Fine, future husband!” he exclaimed, rolling his eyes. “So, yeah, what if your future husband is okay with your dreams?”

“Okay, let’s assume he is going to be very understanding. But, what about the hell lot of responsibilities that come along with marriage?”

He sighed.  “See, what I think is that marriage is something that’s a part of every girl’s life. Miraa, even you, when you were little, you talked about your dreams of marriage. You still look up in awe of how your parents are married to each other and you’re happy!”

Miraa stood up. “Kabi, you are starting to piss me off, now! What makes you think the marriage should be a part of a girl’s life? Can’t she live independently? Is she not capable of it? Am I not capable of it?

“My parents are happy, yes, but how can sure that the same would happen to me?”

Kabi rose up from the sofa, too. “Why not, Miraa? When you wake up everyday, do you know how day is going to be? No, right? You just hope that your day should be good. That’s the same with life, Miraa. You can never be sure of anything!” He looked slightly breathless.

“But, Kabi-“

“Wait, can we just sit down, now?”

For a moment, she just stared at him, blankly. Then she suddenly realized that they were both standing.

He chuckled softly as they sat down.

She gave away a reluctant grin. “So, yeah, as you were telling…I can’t be sure of anything! That’s exactly the point. How can I step into a forever life of togetherness when I’m not certain about it? I don’t know how I can possibly put up with some random stranger for the entire life!”

Suddenly, she fell silent. She rubbed her palms together, with her eyes on the floor.

Almost immediately he knew what she was thinking about.

“Miraa…Are you okay?” he asked, tenderly, watching her face anxiously.

She heaved a deep sigh and looked into the distance.

When she spoke, her voice was barely audible. “I- I don’t know….I really don’t know. Kabi,  I don’t really want to bring this up now, but you know what I had gone through. Breaking up with that rogue left me totally devastated. Those wounds…they will never get healed, completely. Okay, I did move on…But imagine what would happen if I mess up with my marriage, too. That would be way too painful! I don’t think I would ever recover from that!”

“Miraa, why are so convinced you will mess up? Can’t you believe that it’ll be something meaningful in life? Why are you scared that it is going to be a disaster if you step into it? “ he asked, consciously avoiding the mention of her ex-lover.

“Okay, I agree I’m a pessimistic. But there’s every reason to be pessimistic about a marriage. I will not be dealing with just a single person, I’ll have to deal with everyone in his family as well. They will lay down restrictions and have their own expectations about me…Oh God! I seriously can’t handle all of that, Kabi!”

He stared hard at her, feeling annoyed. “Miraa, can you just come out of this; out of your typical understanding of marriage that it’s about in-laws laying down restrictions and you having to give up everytghing for your husband and his family? Marriage is something more…

Miraa looked at him for a long moment. Suddenly, the intensity of their conversation weighed on her. They had had several arguments ever since they were kids, but they had argued mostly over silly issues, but this one was very, very far from silly. For a moment, she found herself wishing that they could just turn into those two impulsive, freckled faced kids.

Finally, she broke the silence. “What is it?”

“It’s a responsibility, Miraa. It’s about building a family, building trust like none other. You get married, have kids, take care of your family and eventually, they become your ‘everything’!”

“Well, I actually do believe in building up a family of my own, but what if it would cost my deepest desires and wildest dreams?

He didn’t speak. He just listened to her words echo in his ears again.

  As she waited for him to speak, little did she know that those words would change her whole perspective about marriage, about life…

 He began to speak, slowly, as if he was concentrating on choosing the right words. “How can you even think you’ll never have to make a few sacrifices in life? There are times in life when you stand at the end of a road, and from there, there are a lot of roads diverging, and you know why exactly you want to go through each one of them, but you can go through only one, and yes, you have to make a choice.

She took a deep breath. Then, slowly pulled her hair back and knotted it into a bun. Kabilan wondered if it was her way of buying time to come up with a point.

“See, Kabi, you know I’m career-oriented and passion-driven. I can make a few sacrifices alright…but wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize my career or my passion. If I have to choose between a happy, loving family and my career, I would choose my career, any day!”

“Yeah, there’s no universal ‘Marriage Law’ that says you have to give up your passion or your career if you get married.”

“You really think I can balance both my career and my marriage and at the same time, do enough justice to both of them?”

“Why can’t you? What do you think will be the problem in that? There are going to be times when you have to give more time for one over the other, but yeah, you can do justice to both!

“Maybe, you’re right…But imagine,  if I stay unmarried, I can completely focus on my career. I don’t even have to think about making compromises.”

“What’s life then, Miraa? Running to your office everyday; completely targets?” he asked, cocking his head slightly.

“Yes! To me, that’s life! Working hard all day, sipping my coffee with a novel in my hand and writing a story or any piece of work until I doze off in the night….! This is exactly how I want my life to be! Isn’t this beautiful, either?

“People have different meanings for ‘beautiful’. But you can’t say that marriage isn’t beautiful! You can’t go against marriage completely! It’s considered a part of everyone’s life and it’s also a tradition. It creates a bond between two people, between two families.

“Look, Kabi, I wouldn’t call marriage less beautiful…But I find beauty in my idea of life. When I begin to find beauty in a married life, maybe…just maybe I will think of marriage. But remember, only when I can completely appreciate its beauty! I don’t want to do it half-heartedly. I want to be absolutely certain about it, before I enter into it!

“It’s your choice, completely your choice. It’s always you who should make the decision of which road you take. What I wanted you to understand was that there’s nothing wrong with marriage, and you don’t really have to lose your career if you get married. Those are just myths that have been planted in peoples’ heads over generations!

“Well, Kabi, I guess you are right. There’s nothing really wrong with marriage, or atleast it’s not as bad as thought it is…Thanks for helping me understand that!”

He shrugged. “Oh, yeah!”

“Kabi, you know what, this overlong conversation about marriage and stuff has got me starving! Come on, let’s go to the chat shop and gorge ourselves on those paani puris!”

“Brilliant idea! Let’s hurry up!”

When they were at the door, he quickly spun around to face her. “And, one last thing, Miraa…”, he said, sounding very serious.

“What?” she asked, feeling slightly nervous.

“I really hope you end up with a damn, crazy foodie like you!” he said, grinning broadly.

“Hell with a foodie; I need a chef!”she said and began giggling.

Kabi joined her typical hysterical laughter.

They let traces of their laughter echo in the room as they closed the door behind them and headed to the staircase.